DT Title web

English is a flexible language. Or perhaps it's just promiscuous.

New words emerge all the time. Meanwhile, the definitions of old words shift and twist and slither into something entirely different.

Changes
There are many pressures on our language, including: changing attitudes about sex, politics, religion, society, and gender; developments in science, technology, and communications; alterations in environmental and atmospheric conditions; and, of course, popular usage.

You Are Invited
I hope you'll join this predictionary journey as we peek into words' future meanings.

How far into the future? These definitions could be true as soon as I type them, or they may not apply for another generation. Plus, this is a work-in-progress. Therefore:

If you have a word and/or definition to contribute, cool! Or if you find something here that makes you ornery, feel free to send ideas, corrections, recriminations, and so forth. My email is at the end of the text. (If you send something, b
e sure to let me know to use or withhold your name if your input suddenly blossoms online.)

And now . . .
Welcome to readers, writers and word nerds!

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

 

a

aardvark
noun
Formerly a burrowing ant-eating mammal, today's aardvark has been
bred to live above ground and consume vermin as well as insects. Part of the GOP's compassionate conservatism involves offering them as pets for the low-income parts of large cities.

advasion
noun
Insertion of ad messages in new areas such as next to the floor numbers in elevators, on text messages, interrupting mobile phone calls, replacing auto horns, etc.

agnostic
noun
One holding the view that ultimate realities like death and taxes are unknowable. At least right up to the grave or incarceration.


am/fm

noun
Addled mind, foaming mouth. From the typical practice of right-wing bloviators.


bheader

baccalaureate
noun
High school diploma. No longer refers to B.A. / B.S. degrees as colleges became too expensive for anyone to attend.

backpacking
verb
Anal intercourse.

bald eagle
noun
Extinct bird due to NRA hobbyists' "sporting expeditions." Former national symbol of the U.S.

bar
noun
Establishment serving pharmaceuticals and alcohol.

beautiful people
noun
Formerly, anyone associated with international high society. Now sometimes used to describe those who are actually attractive.

biological warfare
noun
U.S. invasion technique using fast food franchises to undermine the health and well-being of competing nations.

blinker
noun
Prostitute.

blinker district
noun
Area set aside for legal prostitution. (From the pulsating laser lights used to mark the boundaries.)

bloater
noun
One who writes ads or campaign speeches.

Brobdingnagian
noun
Largest-sized hamburger sold in popular fast-food chain.


cheader

Caboose
noun
Brand name of woman's undergarment that shapes and supports the buttocks. "Caboose: the top bra for your bottom!" (advertisement)

camelnose
verb
To enter where unwanted; to instude. "Don't camelnose in other people's business." (usually directed at GOP representatives or organized religions).

campionship sports
noun
Former non-sports activities now referred to as sports. Following acceptance of "mixed martial arts" as a legitimate sporting event, the following were proposed: Land Mine Soccer, Car Sniping Championships, and Talker Toss (similar to dwarf tossing but with radio talk-show hosts).


dheader

dalmation
noun
Human formed from tainted lab ingredients; so named for their spots and patches of fur.

dayglow
noun
Visable particulate measured in PPPM (polluted parts per million). Average PPPM data for the U.S.:
1980 - 97.7
2000 - 345.1
2020 - 975.8
2040 - 3554.2

deicide
noun
When the media destroys a celebrity by paying no attention to them.


eheader

EDP
acronym
At first: Electronic Data Processing; now: Errors Distributed Profusely
.

e-wall
noun
Electronic wallpaper. What used to be called television.

emergent evolution
noun
Theory that new qualities eventually appear in all living organisms. Very close to being disproved.

extremify
verb
GOP process whereby the fringes of their party propose legislation that is draconian, misogynist, theocratic, racist, oligarchic, and/or fascist for the sole purpose of moving rightward the theoretical center of any forthcoming debate.


fheader

facade
verb
Over-use of cosmetics and/or cosmetic surgery. "There have been reports of an excellent new facade on the now-aging superstar." (OLNYT - Onlilne New York Times).

fakeriot
noun
Phony patriot. From the GOP practice of embracing the trappings of patriotism while working to undermine basic principles of the U.S. Constitution.

festoon
verb
To engage in sexual intercourse.


gheader

gangs
noun
Unlawful groups. Now legally hunted for sport thanks to the Cheney Rule.

genealogy
noun
Act of tracing ancestry back far enough to "prove" relations with Julius Caesar, Napoleon, Jesus, Cleopatra, etc.

gingrich
noun
Mental disorder marked by delusions of omnipotence and grandeur. Sometimes used as a verb or adjective.


goldies
noun
Criminals who are 65+ years old. From "golden years."


gopfact
noun
Made-up "information" designed to deceive. From the odious practice of Fox News and other branches of the republican cabal.


hheader

haiku
noun
A brief, brilliant piece of advertising text.

haze
noun
Fine dust in the air of larger cities. "If you can see enough to call it haze, it's a clear day."

history
noun
1. Branch of knowledge that might be closer to the truth if it weren't always written by the survivors. 2. Proof that people do not learn from past events because otherwise history would be different.


iheader

incomparable
adjective
Public relations term referring to something so mundane even we couldn't think of anything good to say about it.

internal-combustion engine
noun
Device which, when applied in sufficient quantitites, slowly suffocates its users.


jheader

jackal
noun
An especially ruthless Congressional aide.

Janus
noun
Liar; anyone two-faced; politician.


kheader

kibble
noun
Substitute human food after the beef shortages of 2020-2028.

King's English
noun
Correct use of language. Now obsolete.

kitsch
noun
The popular arts: television, comic books, car customizing, and musicals-with-a-message.


lheader

legionnaire's disease
noun
Any illness medical science cannot define, of which there is usually a lot "going around."

living rate
noun
Phenomena ensuring that the cost of living rises to exceed income. Especially yours.


mheader

maher
noun
Poking fun at political and social hypocracy. "Let's maher the Chamber of Commerce meeting."


nheader

negligible demise
noun
A death that doesn't make much difference (as in the passing of a fast food magnate or banker).

New Nobels
noun
Expansion of prizes established by the late Alfred Nobel, inventor of dynamite. Recent categories and winners:
Rock Music: KISS
Car Customizing: Big Daddy Roth
Classical Music: Jackie Gleason's 'Music for Lovers'
Literature: Danielle Steel
Advertising: Charmin campaign
Life Achievement: Liberace

norquist
noun
Meddling amateur. From Grover Norquist.


oheader

oncat
verb
On the prowl for a sexual partner. From "on the cat," phrase used by D.C. insiders.


pheader

Paulish
adjective
Charmingly crazy. From Ron Paul.

personnel
noun
Sum total of people, cyborgs, and SACs (self-actuating computers) in any organization.

piggyback
noun
Ad technique of combining sales pitches. ("Yes, it's the all-new SeaWorthy personal-size yacht with built-in fur-lined toilet. And what better way to spend time sitting on it than with a subscription to Modern Warfare magazine!")

porn
noun
Material designed to excite sexually. Hard-core porn: outrageous and filthy. Soft-core porn: what was hard-core porn five years ago.

preemptive maneuver
noun
Peacetime deployment of military forces for strategic or bargaining purposes. (When done by other nations it is called "saber-rattling" or "act of aggression.")


qheader

quail
noun
Congressional interns.


rheader

Rebus
noun
Language of the outcasts, beggars and thieves in economically depressed urban areas. Rebus combines pigden English, hieroglyphics, and the puzzle pieces of TV shows such as Concentration and Wheel of Fortune.

romney
verb
To eagerly embrace a viewpoint diametrically contrary to the viewpoint one eagerly embraced in the past.


sheader

sans serif
noun
Transexual who was formerly male.

santorum
noun
Self-righteous demagogue. (Note: the Urban Dictionary and blog.spreadingsantorum.com have interesting takes on this vile subject.)

self-actualize
verb
Masturbate.

skywriting
noun
Ad messages projected on the protective domes of cities.

splurge
noun
Person who picks up the check but then repeatedly reminds you of it.

square grouper
noun
Package of dope. Term originated in Florida as drug dealer code. ("Goin' fishin' for square grouper tonight. Bring cash and a gun.")


theader

tattoo inc.
noun
Military, corporate, and totalitarian practise of using skin marking by caste, job function, price coding, etc.

taxscam
noun
Covert action where books about avoiding taxes were written by IRS agents. Advice in the books was designed to "flag" returns to facilitate audits and prosecution.

too much
adjective
Excess (in most of the world). Just right (in the U.S.)

train wreck
noun
Televised awards shows.


uheader

union
noun
Organization of workers formed to achieve decent wages, safe working conditions, training programs, and methods to combat corporate oppression. Outlawed by GOP in the 2018 Congress.


vheader

vulg
noun
Offensive faux pas. Also one committing the blunder. "Foster Friess is such a vulg."


wheader

war
noun
Conducting negotiations with nations or groups through the deployment of radio-controlled and/or heat-seeking weaponry.

whale
noun
Extinct sea mammal. Former symbol of Marineland (replaced by Loch Ness serpent).


xheader

X
noun
World's greatest rock band.


yheader

yahoo
noun
Stupid, uneducated, boorish, crass person; red state resident.


zheader

ZPG
abbreviation
Zero Percentage Gain. Used when informing drone workers what to expect in the way of yearly raises or bonuses.


 
Part of the Area Code 666 experimental novel.
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